Becoming my mother

It's Writer's Workshop with MamaKat again and this time I'm writing about how I am becoming like my mother. Which reminds me of something I told my sister the other day. I was having 'one of those days' with the kids at Spring Break and I said to her, "I don't hold anything against Mom from my childhood because now I know exactly how she felt!" We both had a chuckle but at that moment I had the urge to call up my mother and tell her how much I appreciated, admired, and respected her for who she is and what she went through as a young mother.

I have become like my mother in insiginficant ways like the fact that we both had five children. Four girls and one boy each. All of her kids' names start with the letters H, M, T, L, and R; my kids' names start with H, M, L, R, and T. We both lost a baby during our fifth pregnancy. We both have a little brown spot on our faces that appeared after the birth of one of our babies. I am told we have the same cheekbones, the same lips, the same laugh, and often sound the same when we talk.

But more importantly, I am trying to become more like my mother in things that actually matter. I am trying to show my kids in little, thoughtful ways that I love them. I try to put little notes in their lunches and make after-school cookies. We eat dinner together at the table each night. Like her, I am trying to be involved with my childrens' school, teach them to love reading, support them in their interests. Like Mom, I am trying to let my children see me reading the scriptures so they will learn to love them, too. I am taking them to church every Sunday. I am trying to teach them at home the best that I can.

I am becoming like my mother each day as I walk the path she has gone down before, the same one that her mother took and on and on throughout the generations of mothers that came before us. I am learning that motherhood is not exactly what I imagined it would be. It's hard. There are days I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Children are not always pleasant or obedient or clean. And that means Mom is not always chipper, fun, or energized. As a child I didn't understand the times when Mom and I would clash or the fact that she was undoubtedly stressed out, maxed out, and worn out.

I hope I can continue to become like her and remember to apologize when I make mistakes. To get up the next morning and do it better. To keep trying. Not. give. up. And someday, like her, I can look back on these early years of motherhood with a mixture of fondness and relief, ready to pass on this legacy of motherhood to my daughters and hope that they keep some of the good qualities, delete and not repeat the same mistakes, and create their own unique, beautiful version of us.