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6 years ago
Monday, December 8, 2008
Intent: to Vent
I've been thinking about 'venting' lately. We all know what it is though it's called by different names sometimes. It's getting out our frustrated, angry, annoyed, negative feelings and telling them to someone else: our best friend, our husband, our sister, a blog. Anyways, I'm wondering if this 'venting' business is a good thing or not. It seems to be the theory behind it is just letting off some steam, to help us cool off, to get someone else's opinion. But in the end, does it help or does it just create more problems? Are you relieving yourself of the negative energy and by doing so are you really getting rid of it or are you simply creating more by sharing it? If you're talking about someone else who had upset you is it really 'venting' or would it better be called (deep breath here) "gossiping". Nobody wants to be a Gossip, right? So as long as we just call it 'venting' does that make it any better? And....if you happen to be on the receiving end of someone else's venting session what do you do? Do you sit quietly and listen to what they have to say, realizing they are just 'venting' or do you voice your disagreement? Do you form judgments of your own based on what is being told you or do you let it go and allow the other person to own their own feelings? Hmmm...it's go me thinking. Do you think it's okay to 'vent' frustration or should you keep it to yourself and find another way to work it out? (If you don't want to leave a comment or don't know how, just take a second to click on the poll on the sidebar.)
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12 comments:
I think that it is good to vent! Things that have happened and you dwell on it with out letting it out eventually effect your actions towards the offender and your subconsciously don't realize you are doing it. And venting is different than gossip in my opinion because venting is letting out feelings of things that actually happened and gossiping is spreading rumors about people that may or may not be true. Plus studies have shown women who suppress their feelings have a shorter life span.
Okay Trish is this post for me?? I "vent" alot to you but I admit it, I do gossip to you too. I feel bad that I do but mostly I think when you trust someone you feel like you can tell them anything. However, I do think that "venting" can cause problems especially if its with people that the both of you know. So I get your point and think that its can be okay to "vent" and confide to a friend but sometimes we cross that line and aloow ourselves to say things that we probably shouldnt.
No, Holly, I was not posting this for you, silly! It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I'm still not sure where I stand on the matter. I do know that there have been times when I have vented my frustrations about a friend to another common friend and then lived to regret it later because my feelings eventually changed, but that person I confided in wasn't there to see it happen. For instance....how many times do we 'vent' about our husbands to our friends and then, after we have made up and made better wished we wouldn't have said anything at all? Is our friend's opinion of our husband changed? Can it be made better? Same thing applies across the board, I suppose. Hmmm.....
oh and p.s. Holly--your 'gossip' is safe with me! :)
I think we all know that when a girl's got to vent who else better than a friend. And when it comes to husbands, we all know how silly they can be and our hard a marriage can be, so no I dont think it can change another person's feelings about that person's husband. Does that make any sense?
I agree with Shalene. I think there is a difference between venting and gossip. Of course, it could just be that I am trying to justify my "gossip" by saying that I am venting, but I am going to stick with my first thought. :) As far as "venting" about husbands goes, I don't ever think any differently about my friends husbands afterwards. I know all too well the same frustrations that they are feeling, and that it truely is just "venting". It doesn't mean that they aren't good people, and that we don't still love them, but sometimes we need someone to talk to other than them!
Amen to that, Rach!
When we vent we are usually upset about what someone else did and why it makes us so angry that they did what they did or said what they said. Rarely do we call and vent to friend about how we feel we are not good mothers, wives, friends, etc. We vent about other people and to me that streamlines into gossip. If someone else offends you to the point you have to vent about them I think in all fairness to yourself and that person they should be the first to hear it from you! If you vent to a third party you will still always have that incident gnawing at you until it is resolved. Venting is nice, and temporarily makes us feel better, but in reality it solves nothing! Who knows, if we address the issue when it arises, in a non confrontaional manner, we may not need to vent at all! Then there would be no question that the rest of it is indeed gossip!
I think its good and bad, there is a fine line of just getting your thoughts and frustrations out and bashing another person. I beleive that when we vent our need is basically to vocalize what we are thinking and feeling so we can see more clearly a solution to the problems we are facing. Some are able to do it by writing in a journal, but for most it's by talking it out with a friend. We all need a little validation at times, that we aren't the only ones going through life, good and bad. We do need to be careful of who we are venting to, because if the person is negative it could just make things worse and breed the spirit of contention.
good post btw
I appreciate this post. It's made me think a lot about it. I tend to complain about things, and whatever is going on in my mind has pretty much already been spoken. I guess I am uncensored. I just let it flow, baby.
But, on the same token- I found this talk by President Hinckley that I really liked. You know how they say when you're mad or upset or discouraged to look outward and serve others? Well, I never realized that "venting" or complaining or gossiping were all idle things that can drag us down. And I definitely never thought that service would be a way to counteract those tendencies. President Hinckley said,
"I recall visiting a college campus where I heard the usual, commonplace complaining of youth: complaints about the pressures of school—as if it were a burden rather than an opportunity to partake of the knowledge of the earth—complaints about housing and about food.
I counseled those youth that if the pressures of school were too heavy, if they felt to complain about their housing and their food, then I could suggest a cure for their problems. I suggested that they lay their books aside for a few hours, leave their rooms, and go visit someone who is old and lonely, or someone sick and discouraged. By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are thinking only of ourselves.
For many years there was a sign on the wall of a shoe repair shop I patronized. It read “I complained because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet.” The most effective medicine for the sickness of self-pity is to lose ourselves in the service of others."
So I guess that our attitude determines so much about the way we live. I am trying to imagine the person I admire the most. Who is your hero? Someone you just think is an amazing person. I try to imagine them "venting" and honestly, it just doesn't happen. The thing I admire most about this person is that I want to be better just by being around them. They don't speak negatively. They always have something nice to say. I believe we can be transformed into better people if we do our best to avoid the three C's. (Dale Carnegie's book, How to Win Friends and Influence People) says never
CRITICIZE
CONDEMN or
COMPLAIN
If you can avoid these things, people will naturally be drawn to you. So, we have to decide if we want to do an okay job at being an okay person, or if we want to do a better job at being a great person.
I think it's so easy to complain, and we think it's helping. But the bottom line is that good begets good, and bad begets bad. You can't grow good fruit from a bad tree. Too many times, things I've said in supposed innocence have come back to bite me in the rear. And I have seen people actually be dragged down into the pit of despair because they thought it was okay to speak negatively ALL the time. They begin to LOOK for the negative... they start to CREATE the negative, and BELIEVE things that aren't even REAL. Their thought processes become completely irrational because they've developed the "talent" to constrew any situation into something bad. It is like poison. That is the only way to describe it. When something ugly is inside us, I think there's only one person we can truly cousel with who can remove it. HE knows how to heal us, and he can take those things away. If nothing else, he can give us a clearer understanding of the trials we face, of the people we deal with, of our irritating circumstances. He's promised that if we ask, we shall receive. We can ask him to help us to see the good in others and to shield us from the bad. If we are victims of something bad, he can help us.
So I went off...
These are things I believe. This in no way means that I have actually put them into practice. I have a lot to work on. But the bottom line is that I think we all want to try to do better with things like that. :)
Thanks, Trish, for always bringing up such good points.
I love your comments! Thanks for taking the time to share your insights, everyone!
Wow,way to let EVERYONE know that you don't appreciate the gossip or peddy immatureness!You may have to remind people that you don't want to hear it though cause they'll forget!I don't mind the venting, it's fun to me & I tell no oneee :)
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