When I was in junior high I had two best friends. We were all alike in some ways. Very different in others. One of my friends (since I don't exactly have her permission to write this, let's call her "Gene"...she'll know why!) was a people-pleaser. Never liked to hurt other people's feelings. Agonized over saying the 'wrong' thing all the time. One day, "Roxy" (the other friend in beforementioned trio) brought dried papaya in her lunch. She offered Gene a piece and--of course--she accepted. Gene chewed. And chewed. And chewed. Then finally swallowed. Yuck! She did not like that dry, rubbery stuff at all! "What do you think? Do you like it?" Ahhh, the moment of crossroads. Should she be honest and say 'no'? What would Roxy think? Would her feelings be hurt? Would it be rude to tell the truth or should she be nice and claim to love it? Guess which one she chose? She's a people-pleaser, mind you. Of course she raved about it! So....every day for the rest of that year and off and on for the next several years Roxy would bring papaya for Gene thinking she was being nice and doing her a huge favor. After all, she LOVED it...right? Well, finally our senior year in high school Gene confessed the truth about papaya which caused us all to laugh. Me, because I knew the truth the whole time and would snicker to myself each time Gene actually continued to eat the stuff. Roxy because she thought it was ridiculous that Gene felt like she had to pretend to like something just so she wouldn't hurt her feelings. We still get a laugh out of it to this day. It's so easy to look at an example like that and realize how trivial it was, but I think a lot of us can relate to that in a lot of ways. I am a self-admitted people-pleaser and I hate being that way sometimes. There are times I disagree with something about someone but remain quiet because I feel like it's not my place to step in or it's just 'my opinion.' So I guess the question is...do you call it "people-pleasing" or just trying to keep the peace? Is it okay to speak your honest opinion and if so when? Sometimes? Always? Only if it doesn't hurt someone? Only if they're your really good friend? Only if you don't care if they like you when you're done speaking? What do you think?
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6 years ago
4 comments:
I have a response to this on my blog... I hope you don't mind. And if you do, don't tell me about it.
PS I want to play Balderdash with the word verification...
derot- something that middle-aged women are trying to accomplish by smothering their faces with anti-wrinkle cream.
Thanks for your comment about Brynley. You can imagine what kind of a weekend I had, sorry I didnt make it over. I was thinking it would be nice to get together sometime this month and make a goodie. Remember that time we made homemade yummy popcorn stuff? We should have another day like that.
Okay, about your post. You know that I am a people pleaser also. I do things I dont want to all the time. I dont feel bad about it all the time but I have to admit there are times I just feel drained from trying to make everyone happy! I have had my moments of telling people my true feelings and have had some good responses and then some bad ones. I think the people who respond badly are really not my "true" friends or they are just too selfish to admit they were taking advantage of me. Does this make any sense??
Your friend from High School was crazy! :) I think that I used to be a people pleaser, but have found that lately I say and do what I want and what I mean. I do think that there is section somewhere in the middle where it would be good to be. You know, say what really needs to be said or done, but don't think that your opinion is so important that it is the only one that needs to be heard and considered. I don't know. The one thing I do know is that papaya does not taste good!
Have I mentioned how much I love that papaya-eating girl? Thanks for your comment, Rach, and for not getting mad that I used you as an example!
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